The ridiculous rhetorical question series. Goudie provides some mocking rhetorical questions which ridicule the assistant principal.
"The assistant principal told a local newspaper 'we recognize that students will use their cellphones. What we're saying is "We'll work with you."'....
What possible good can come from allowing students to have access to cell phones during class hours?
Emergency party planning?
Monitor the point spreads on this weekend's college football games?
Text the boyfriend at another school?"
Song-refrain ending. The end of the essay is a series of questions followed by a single word refrain. It's almost like a chant. It makes very clear the author's annoyed and stringent tone towards the cellphone policy, along with a specific type of parenting. You can almost see him pounding his fist on his desk when he says it.
Third graders with iPhones? Unnecessary.
Eight-year-olds trick or treating alone? Unnecessary.
E leven-year-olds up 'til midnight? Unnecessary.
Freshman wants to sleep at girlfriend's? Unnecessary.
Sophomore spring break in Aruba? Unnecessary.
High school graduation party kegs? Unnecessary.
Go out at 11 p.m. to "find something to do?" Unnecessary.
Just to name a few.
Cellphones in school? Really unnecessary.